Sunday 24 June 2012

Merchandise and Cool Stuff

Most anime/manga fans have some kind of badge/headband/scarf/gratuitous scarring of some sort to tell the entire world of their hobby, as if they enjoy rubbing it in everyone's faces with calloused knuckles. If it's not the cosplayer who wears their outfit for no real purpose other than meeting friends in town, it'll be that douche with the naruto headband or Elric jacket. Hell I even saw one jackass with Kamina glasses, which just made him look like a white Squirtle. Use your sweat blaster attack!

As part of that crowd I kinda can't help but do it too, and I hope I'm not one of those wet sacks of blubber with what I own. I've got a very worn down DBz wallet which either gets me looks of disgust or lots and lots of conversation from hidden DBz fans. At one point I had a huge stencil of The Big O on my satchel, though a lot of ham-brained idiots thought it was transformers, the fucking numpties. But that's as far as I'd go, because we'd only have those items for one of 2 reasons; We properly love the series/item/character or we like the accessory. Anything else makes you one of those attention whores who hopes someone will notice their Ciel plushie and green wig (seriously, why the green wig!?) and go "hey you like watching the manga too? What anime do you read?". Let's face it, if you've ever put on anything and thought "I hope people notice me because I'm advertising this media" you may as well tattoo "DOUCHE" on your forehead. You can use your naruto headband to cover it up.

Sure you could plaster yourself in plastic crap like some kind of christmas tree that tokyopop vomited on, or you could go to geniunley decent places like Nerdycupcake that sell various awesome stuffs that doesn't make you look like you'd buy any old shite as a token of credibility. Seriously, go there now and check it out.

Most of the time we have the T-shirts that have some ridiculously niché meme, of which this is funny but I swear to Odin that one that has any reference to 4chan earns you a one way ticket to faggotcity. What a lot of people don't realise is that if you wish to be closer to your anime/manga, then stop caking yourself in merchandise to decorate yourself like a single woman in a mid-life crisis, and start wearing quirky yet nice things! Nerdycupcake. Doooo it.

Before I sign off, I wanna say what's worse that the pissbuckets who wear shit just to get noticed. Not only do they lower themselves to the standards of the free-huggers; a sub-species that has been proven to only have <10% brain capacity which puts them at the same level as a mentally handicapped spider monkey, but for fucks sake.. why are you absolute bastards when we do actually notice you've got an alchemic array on your glove or we saw your cowboy bebop shirt? It's not enough you just jizzed your pants because you got the attention you hungered for but you have to be a knob about it too? Being too nonchalant and blasé that you come across as patronizing and elitist, well you can fuck right off. Then fuck off some more, and when you've fucked right over there, fuck off again. You fuck. I once complimented a girl on her anime theme jacket, I got a dirty look and an inaudible response. I mean it would have been completely perfectly fine for her to have done that if I had my hand down my pants gripping my junk hard and asking her if I could smear a fine layer of my seed over such a sweet jacket or that it would have made a decent rag for my weeping third eye. But I'm quite sure I didn't bring my tackle into the conversation, and before anyone goes "But she might have been shy!" Bullshit, bullshit comes out your mouth you arseface. Why don't I bend over whilst you blow smoke up my poopshoot too because there's a hell of a lot of weak-ass pricks using that "I'm shy" excuse to make life easier for them. And no, she was not. She was just an ass.

~Warai.







Thursday 14 June 2012

The Misuse of Epic

I'm sure there's something floating about the web that tells the faggots who over use the word "Epic" just what epic is. The ocean is epic, Bear Grylls is epic, almost everyone on the Badass of the Week site is epic. Yet you, you there with the emo flop premature comb-over and the nyan cat t shirt, you are not epic. 

I do funny things, like once I convinced a girl that if she licked a drinking horn enough she could stick it to her head, or the time I did a front flip in a dance tournament and ruined the game. I got told I was epic for that, and I had to convince myself that's just gratuitous praise and not to smack them with a dictionary and rant at the unconscious crumple that if I were "Epic" I'd have summoned the forces of Heaven, Hell, Asgard and a Gurhka Soldier to aid me in said dance tournament (let's be honest, I'd have still lost).

Someone uploads a video to youtube, with no obvious talent or skill, yet throws out crap about their fandoms as if they wrote/drew/animated/slept with the sponsors/printed the media themselves. Someone, obviously lacking in proper judgement, tells them they are epic. Sound familiar? Unless the youtube video has a clip of the talker in a dimension where one must fight a centaur to the death with a Klingon Bat'leth in order to win the right to talk about their fandom, then no my fuzzy plebeian, no, this is not "epic". 

I was recently told of someone at a previous convention who got drunk, danced then had a funny picture taken of them sitting at a table in a cafe/shop/homelesss shelter/kennel (I didn't give two flying shits) in full cosplay, and that it was epic. Okay, maybe some folk see things differently in their heads, but if you want to know what it's like to get Epic at a convention I'll introduce you to my friends Cid, and Crimson. You'll wake up with a head full of regret, and feel like you've lost several years of your life span. "Epic" is not without consequences, that's why it's Epic.

There's also the debate on "epic cosplayers", so I'll lay out my basic guideline on how to rate them, starting with the base line, the standard cosplayer. 
These guys may or may not buy their stuff online, and look like every other cookie cutter cosplayer of that character. Nothing special, just that character. But that's okay, if somewhat chronically lacking in imagination and aspiration, they set out to tick the minimal amount of boxes and that's what they did, as if they have a quota on how much ink to use in their box ticking pen. They look like that character, job done, look at me, I'm a fuckin' sheep. Nothing "Epic" about it, just "A Cosplayer", nothing more, nothing less, doing exactly what you should do and unable to break past that. 

A little bit of imagination goes a hell of a long way, and it's a risk that the brave or the stupid take, mostly the stupid. I've mentioned before on how hit and miss this is, but when it hits it'll hit hard. 

I'm going to use a Cosplayer who most of us know of, I hope you don't mind me writing about you Xaerael. He's won some big time prizes for his stuff (go look them up, you ass) and this is my personal opinion of why; he not only takes on some ridiculously tough projects but two in particular; Nina Tucker and Skekskil hit a nerve; Nina because her story is incredibly sad, tragic yet so very twisted, the sight of that particular version of her evokes an emotion many individuals would rarely feel. In layman's terms it's like feeling like wanting to cry, vomit and get angry at the same time... I'm so sorry for that analogy, Xaerael. Skeksil is from  a movie that uppercuts a fistful of nostalgia right in me taint, seeing that reminds me of that epic fantasy movie and thus evokes that rare emotion. Putting aside that Xaerael is a master of props and all that shenanigans, I'm not talking about the quality of the cosplay, but what the cosplay is. The quality part of the cosplay should already exist from the base of the Standard Cosplayer.

There's nothing wrong with looking exactly like your character, and in the process like every other person in that costume. You're all doing a fantastic job of showing your love of the character/costume, no really, well done. 

I don't have the answers on how to stand out from the crowd, or how to enhance your cosplay. All I can say is think about what other fans of that character love about it, but not the yaoii/yuri weebs, or any weebs. A little imagination, and love for what you do goes a long way. If you're fulfilling the minimum criteria there's nothing wrong with that, you'll just fade into the background. 

It might just be me, but I find that sometimes some people talk about things as epic when they want it to be so much more. It's only highlighting their own disappointment.

~Warai Otoko

Tuesday 5 June 2012

No More Nice Guys/The Creep

Sometimes it seems like there's two distinct worlds. One of the normal folks who go about their daily lives like everyone else, then that of the anime/manga/cosplay community. Sometimes the contrast is subtle, sometimes it's as stark as mistaking a pint of Vodka for Water. Sometimes it's such a contrast, that you don't even see the differences because you're so immersed in it; a blinding tunnel vision of stupidity, and when you finally take a step back you realise it doesn't really matter if someone on the interblags mocked your taste in animu.

Here's something that starts off in the muggle world, falls down the anime "rabbit-hole" then lands face first in Wonderland on a trident to the eyesockets which blinds everyone to the faggotry of it all. 

You know that thing girls say, or even some guys say "I wish I could find someone nice.."? That's fucked up isn't it? There's no nice people, ever, you dickwads. We're all malfunctioning meat machines who bludgeon our way through life with as much grace as a drunk Disco-Fu with a cudgel. 

Sometimes we expect too much, sometimes we think we know best, that if we try our best to be nice, to be there for someone that they'll develop feelings for us and we'll win them over. High aspirations and trust me when I say you're not ready for the fall of rejection. 

Rule 1# No-one ever won someone over with their own feelings alone.
If the other person does not reciprocate, you're dead in the water.

You'd think that this would be common knowledge, like trying to stick gaffa tape on a wet surface, trying to mix oil in water or integrating your average hardcore AnimeLeaguer into a non-deranged-weaboo-y group without expecting blood. However you've got to give credit to the determined ones, who believe outright that if they pursue and pursue, they'll get their rewards. Maybe he/she will think of a romantic plan, spend time, money, effort on something nice with the hope of reward... Sounds nice, right? How many of you think this sounds nice, and how many feel a bit sick at that thought? I'm betting the ones who don't think it's nice have experienced just that.

Rule 2# Going to measures which cost time/money/effort and expecting something back in return isn't sweet, it's manipulative.
Do you really think that's attractive, to emotionally blackmail someone? Do you really think that's the epitome of selfless?

At this point the nice guy look, or girl for that matter, is goes down faster than the ratio of girls to guys at the average AL cosplay clubnight. Enter the Disillusioned Creep; this one is actually a nice person but for the life of him/her has no clue as to how bad they're making themselves look. 

An ex-gf of mine (Ahahaha fuck you, yes I am able to find a partner despite being retardely crippled in the empathy/emotional parts of the brain and several other non-essential human traits) once launched a rather viscous, yet hilariously weak attack on someone I was seeing at the time in order to try and "win me back". Now think about this for a second, how fucking retarded must one be to assume human beings work like magnets? inb4howdotheywork, the thought pattern "If I eliminate the one in my way, he'll have no choice but to come back to me!" The sentiment is quite sweet, really. But that's a level of crazy I simply don't want to get into, and trust me I dabble with crazy how I like honey; I like it errrrrywhere. But I'm still gonna think that girl is a fucking nutcase, yet she was a perfectly adjusted normal girl.

I'm not gonna type this and pick a side, because I'm greedy, I'll take everything or nothing. And in this case I won't pick a side. There are enough girls and guys out there who lead others on, who like to have in depth conversations with you about douchenugget #428 that treats them like shit and yet you're the one who gets the brunt of their whiny drivel. If only you can box up the verbal diarrhea that comes out and send it to douchenugget #428 with a "THIS BELONGS TO YOU, YOU ASSBAGEL. xXx" stamped on it. If only.. 
I know it fucking hurts to be there for someone for so long, only for them to get with a real ass-munching dickwad of a turdburgler when you know that you are 10 times the person they are. 

Rule #3 Complaining there's no nice people, then stamping out whatever little goodness there is in someone because you're so wrapped up in yourself is unforgivable. 
The world would be a better place if we stopped putting ourselves first, and thought about others.

At this point the Disillusioned Creep goes one of many ways, two in particular are the most common choices. He/she may surface out of the animu world and realise their actions have been that of incredible dumbassery, or he/she may continue and turn into that creepy son of a bitch; that next-level weapons grade unbelievable creep who gets a reputation and has to be mentioned so he/she isn't invited to certain things.

I've tried to help some of these individuals, I believed it was the right thing to do. But it didn't take long for me to realise I may as well go kick some shit with a pair of new shoes for all the good I was doing. Some people just don't want to, or can't learn. It's not their fault, it's not our fault, it's just how they are.

We all know someone like this, the kind of person who says the same line to everyone he or she meets to evoke sympathy.
"No-one likes me.."
"I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend"
"They all hate me for some reason"
"All my friends turned on me for no reason"

Any sane person would have warning bells flag up, but give that person the benefit of the doubt before they reach a conclusion. I would, you should, and a small minority of assbagels would stupidly only go on someone else's opinion of someone else which is strictly positive OR negative, not both. So these weird ones continue thinking they're not doing anything wrong; invasion of personal space, being too comfortable/friendly, overstepping boundaries etc etc. Sound familiar? These idiots are partly responsible for making a lot of people look bad as it's always easier to remember the negative.

Sometimes we all need to stop and think for a moment in the terms of the society we live in. We are in the UK which aims for a multicultural, polite and sensible society. There isn't any room for asking people you barely know very intimate questions about themselves, pressuring the opposite sex (or same, whatever) into breaking down because you came on far too strong and relentlessly, intentionally making someone feel bad to get your own way or sending them crypic anonymous letters like some 18th century mincer.

Stop thinking about how you can get what you want, and just be nice. Don't take things so seriously, and for the love of Odin be realistic. 

On that same note, for my fellow men who've had to deal with years of bullshit on the "I wish I could find a nice guy like you" line, I feel your pain.

Here's Rabbit with a cover of Bad Religion's "Dearly Beloved" for those of us who've been there yet refuse to let it consume us.




~Warai Otoko